Feeling Judged

Despite the fact that I tell myself that I am not judgemental, of course, I am.
At work, at home, at the gym, at the grocery store, on the train,  I am always assessing and observing and yes, judging.  "Wow, that person's hair is a bright purple"  "Man those pants are tight" "Those are some high heels" "How many rings are in his ear?" It's human nature.   But what we do after that passing thought is what counts.

I often feel this same type of judgement about my diabetes and how I manage it.  You know those looks: "should you be eating that?"  "you're taking your insulin RIGHT before you eat?" The raised eyebrows when you order a stack of gluten free pancakes.  "You're not changing your lancet?"  Ok, that last example was made up -  I've never been judged for that one.  😃  And the worst part is that sometimes these looks are from other people with diabetes (PwD).  To me, that hurts more than well-intentioned Aunt Sally who really doesn't know better and thinks she is helping.

I start to get angry, and upset, when PwD tell me how I'm killing myself (yes, that really has been said to me / posted to me on social media)  because of what I eat.  Just so you know, I'm not eating rat poison and if that were the case you have every right to tell me I'm hurting myself by eating it.  What I am eating is different from what the people in these scenarios have chosen to eat.

There's a saying that words matter, and it's true.  Case in point two recent conversations about food, with PwD:

Cindy to me:  "I can't believe you eat bread. I don't know anyone who eats bread who has an A1C under 10.0 or well-managed diabetes."
     Cindy and I did not have a lasting conversation. Sure I could have used this as a teaching moment, but I wasn't feeling it.  I could have told her that since starting a CGM 7 years ago my A1Cs have been in the low 6s, and used it as an educational moment, but at that time I didn't feel it was worth my effort, and looking back on it I wouldn't change my course of action.  
Cindy and I haven't spoken since. 

Marie to me:  "I have found cutting out bread has helped me better manage my blood sugars, so I'm making an effort to limit how much of it I eat."
    Marie and I spent the next hour sharing different tricks and recipes and ways we had come to decide the right path for us.  I share with Marie that I felt diabetes often mandates when I can eat, but I tried hard to not let it mandate what I eat.  For example:  with a low blood sugar immediately; with a high, not until the number was in a range I was comfortable with.

I have also recently learned that I am a bit of a control freak in some aspects of my life and that having T1D plays into that.  What I have to remind myself is I can't, nor should I, try to control someone else.  Even though I may really really want to, from a good place, it's not my business.  Unless you are eating rat poison.