Diabetes Blog Week Day 3: The Blame Game

Day 3 Prompt:  The Blame Game - Wednesday 5/17
Having diabetes often makes a visit to the doctor a dreaded experience, as there is invariably bad news of one kind or another.  And sometimes the way the doctor talks to you can leave you feeling like you’re at fault.  Or maybe you have a fantastic healthcare team, but have experienced blame and judgement from someone else in your life – friend, loved one, complete stranger.  Think about a particularly bad instance, how that person talked to you, the words they used and the conversation you had.  Now, the game part.  Let’s turn this around.  If you could turn that person into a puppet, what would you have them say that would leave you feeling empowered and good about yourself?   Let’s help teach people how to support us, rather than blame us!  (Thank you, Brian, for inspiring this topic.)

I feel fortunate that I have only one example of this that I can remember.  I had just returned to NYC after living in Boston for a while, and needed to see a doctor to get prescriptions.  This appointment was with a random primary care physician I found locally to where I lived.   The first thing she asked me was what my last A1C was.  She didn't ask me my history, she didn't ask me how things were going, just straight to the A1C question.    Here's the thing with me, over the years I've had many experiences like this, and I have gotten quite, uhm, feisty with my responses.  So I don't have to play the "what should they say game" as I told her right to her face.  

My response "Perhaps we should start with asking me what my history is,what my last few A1Cs are, or even just to chat, instead of going right to your textbook question and focusing on the A1C.  Maybe this has been the best A1C I've had in years, but since we are new to each other and you don't yet have my medical records, you are making an assumption about me based on one data point."

My mom cringes when I do stuff like this.  But there's only so many of these types of interactions one can take and you pop.  My filter was off, I was tired, tired of these types of conversations and well tired.  Amazingly she did write my my prescriptions and I was off and never saw her again.

So yeah, that happened. 

The other experience I want to share, is an experience which is how I started this blog.   Several  years ago I had a bout with burnout.  I was doing the bare minimum,  insulin and a few bg checks a day.  The rest was all guess work.  I had an appointment with my CDE at Joslin and I was very tempted to cancel it as I didn't want to get lectured.  Instead, I walked in with my head held high and said "I have gotten off track, I don't have much to show you, help me come up with a plan to get back."  I am pretty sure I shocked her, but I laid it out on the table, took ownership of it and the rest was history.  Well, the rest was every other week visits to check in, fine tune things, and I've been on track since.  That appointment was one of the best I ever had, and it did feel like what I imagine a confessional would be like (I'm Jewish, and we have a lot of guilt, but no confessionals).